Justin McNeil's Blog

Praying is like Speaking Spanish

Last night in NeoSoul, our student leadership program, we kicked off a new series on prayer. We talked as a group about what prayer is and why it can be so difficult sometimes. We discussed the challenges we face when it comes to praying like distractions, guilt, and crazy schedules. I know all too well that the challenges we mentioned in that room are not just middle and high school issues. I deal with them and I am sure you do too.

If we're going to even begin the process of having an thriving prayer life, we have to start with honesty. Let's face it, most people don't pray. Many of the ones that do usually pray those famous meal time and bed time prayers. The reality is lots of people are trying to live a healthy spiritual life on a dying prayer life. That just doesn't work. One of the biggest inhibitors to prayer is shame. Let me explain what I mean using a personal analogy about speaking Spanish.

I am biracial. I grew up in an English speaking home, but Mom's side of the family speaks Spanish. I didn't speak it that much growing up unless I was with my grandparents so my Spanish isn't very developed. However, I look (and dance) quite Hispanic. Therefore, people will usually start speaking the language to me and though I understand a lot, when I try to speak it I sound like a 1st grader with a freakishly deep voice. Because the language is a part of my background, I often feel the pressure that I should speak it more fluently then I do. It's easy for me to get embarrassed about my Spanish because it isn't as good as I think it should be. That shame usually urges me not to speak it at all. I'll listen to Spanish but only speak English because I don't want to bring more shame on myself. 

Many people deal with the very same issue in regards to prayer. We all know we should pray, the Bible says so, right? But lots of people don't know how, or have never really done it. In NeoSoul we got really honest and simply asked anyone who doesn't pray to raise their hands. It was a lot of people. Imagine how many hands would be up in a church service if everyone was honest. So the reality is people aren't praying and no one wants to try to start praying because of shame. They feel embarassed when they try because it sounds weird and they don't know what to say so much like me with my Spanish, they simply decide not to do it. Can you relate?

It's time for the shame game to end. There is unspeakable joy that comes when you are able to pray freely and it's worth taking the risk of sounding dumb to actually get to that point. Here's the exciting thing though: there's no wrong way to pray as long as you're honest. Prayer is about an honest and intimate connection with God.  Concerning prayer, Jesus said:

"Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage

You don't need to have a "prayer voice" or "spirit face." (both of which I am a pro at and am trying to put down for good.) Just shut your door and be real with God. You may ask, "What's the point if He already knows how I feel and what I need?" Clearly, prayer isn't about telling God what's going on, He does already know. Prayer isn't about giving God information, it's about giving God an invtation. Through prayer you open your heart and invite God to come in to every detail. It creates a place of intimacy with you and Him.

That's why Jesus said find a secluded place. Shut the door. Also, shut off the laptop and the computer. Otherwise you'll be tempted to "pray" using your facebook status. This isn't necessarily a bad thing but Jesus warned against the hypocrites who prayed on street corners just so people could hear. They were looking for "likes" and a lot of times that's what we end up looking for if we try to make our prayer life a cyber activity. When it's just you and God, it's very hard to act like you're something you're not. You know yourself. He knows you.  You know He knows you. That makes it very tough to fake it. So just be real and start talking. It'll be awkward at first but don't let that stop you.

I don't speak Spanish well but I am working on it and I won't let some silly shame stop me. So while I do that, why don't you take the same risk with your prayer life? I promise you won't regret it.

Dios te Bendiga 

The Last 5 Years

January 7th, 2007 is the day I was ordained into ministry. That day was five years ago. It's quite astounding for me to think how much has happened in these last five years. Believe me I won't dare try to fit it into a blog. But I've learned so much. I told someone this week that I have always felt young, not in a bad way, just really always felt quite youthful. However, I don't really feel that way anymore. At least not in the way that I think. (If you challenge me to tetherball will still throw down and trash talk. No worries there.) What I've experienced these last five years has changed me, shaped me, and has forced me to go through a process I guess you can only call "maturing."

Pastor Jeff recently said that to be an expert at something, you must have spent 10,000 hours working at it. Now I in now way view myself as an expert at what I do, but I have spent at least that many hours laboring in the ministry at City of Life and have definitely learned things that can only come with time. Today, as I knelt on the COL stage and watched the old footage of my ordination, I reflected back on where I started, where I've ended up, where I've misstepped along the way, and where I am going. There's plenty for me to ponder in my heart, but just a few things I'd like to share with you. These would be the top 5 most important things I've discovered in the last five years:

5. There are no natural born leaders

People used to tell me I was a natural. I simply don't believe that anymore. Yes, we all have certain qualities that are evident in our personality but that's not what makes a leader. True leadership is not something that comes out of someone, it's the result of another leader intentionally instilling it in them. I wouldn't have even made it 5 minutes in ministry if it weren't for the legacy of Pastor Gary and Pastor Janis Smith and the intentional mentoring by Pastor Jeff and Pastor Amy Smith. I'm standing on their shoulders completely. They've launched me. I want to be more like them and raise others up.

Also, no leader is immune. Everyone suffers discouragement and confusion. I would have given up so long ago had it not been for the unending support of my bride, Amanda. She knows me best and knows how to stand with me, pray for me, and remind me of God's faithfulness. I am blessed to have her.

4. Consistency trumps capability 

I say it to the Neo students this way: Every firework fades. I used to be so passionate and work myself into such a frenzy trying to be the very best and would never focus on just being consistent. The momentum I've gained from just showing up, and continuing to show up no matter what, is so much greater than trying to be a flash in the pan. You can't always be great, but you can certainly always be present. Be consistent, plug into the ministry, and don't let it go for anything.

3. The Word is Life

Remember how they used to teach us in Kids Church that the Bible and Jesus were the answers to every question? They were right. Every single time my life has gotten out of order, I can directly connect it to me straying from careful and devoted study of the Word. If you are living in the Word, your life will be blessed. Period.

2. Grace isn't as easy as it sounds

Living in grace sounds like fun! Being a proponent of grace comes with responsibility. I've had to learn that if I am really going to preach that God accepted me at my worst, I must extend that same grace to others at their worst. No matter how ugly it gets, how low it goes, if we want to be the church, we cannot shy away from those who are calling out for help. If Jesus didn't flinch at a repentant prostitute weeping and washing His feet, we dare not hesitate to embrace a sorrowful addict.

1. This Life is all about Him

Simple right? Yes. It is. Yet, I probably stray from that reality more often than most. I don't just mean that this life is His, I mean it is ALL about Him. I read in 2 Timothy 1: 9 today, "He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace." I haven't done anything to deserve or earn this. He saved me, He called me, He justified me, and He is working through me. I am just along for the ride and so are you.

So instead of getting puffed up in your present situation, or me in mine, we must be even more humbled at the fact that He's at work. The last five years have been all His doing, and it's been the best ride of my life. I pray you would be inspired to follow His leading even more closely as I am.

I'm ready for 100 more years!

 

(Top- January 7th, 2007, my ordination. Bottom left, October 2010 Amanda & I installed as Youth and Young Adult Pastors. Bottom right is a current photo from Neo Youth Culture as we are working to raise up a new generation of leadership)

Lip Gloss

Every year at about this time, 4 things start to happen in me:

1. I quickly remember why I belong in Florida because my body starts shivering at any temperature below 65 degrees.

2. I become quite aware of my own room to grow in the area of thankfulness. I take Thanksgiving very seriously and usually spend the entire month really trying to build up to that day of celebration and gratitude.

3. I start planning to THROW DOWN on Black Friday.

4. I realize only number 2 has any real meaning. That's the reason I am writing this. 

On November 1st I happened to see a tweet from Martha Munizzi about a twitter trend called #30DaysOfPraise. The basic idea is that people all over the world are tweeting about something they are grateful to God for each day of this month as part of Thanksgiving. These daily tweets are about anything from weather, food, and rest, to spouses, health, and miracles. When I saw it I simply thought, "I should do this." I often complain about how often people complain on social networks (ironic aren't I?) so I thought it'd be a nice change of pace. I also wanted to really push myself in the area of recognizing God's hand of blessing in my life. Pastor Jeff always says "What you become thankful for increases" and I really don't want to go through life overlooking what God has for me. Those were my reasons for getting into it, but today I realized the real reason. God wanted to show me something. I hope I can convey it to you!

Yesterday at City of Life Church's Kissimmee Campus, we sang a new COL original called "Let The Earth Declare." ( Let me just say, it's breathtaking. You're going to love it on the new COL album next year.) I was all up in the moment worshipping God and then we sang a lyric that exploded in my heart: 

Let the lips of men and angels sing Your praise

Beautiful lyric yes, but there was so much more that my eyes opened to in that moment. I know it may sound elementary, but I had such revelation in thinking about our actual lips praising God. So much so that I couldn't help but touch my own mouth when singing that lyric. (Get your chuckles out, they're deserved, I admit it.) But the idea that these lips, my actual mouth, is an instrument of praise became so much more real to me in light of what I've been working on this month. It is one thing to say "God I praise you" but it is far another to say "I praise you for the life you've given me, for the grace you extend, for my wife, for my friends, for the food I enjoy!" It's in the simplicity of daily praise that breakthrough happens.

The point of #30DaysOfPraise is to reprogram ourselves to become people who are praising God with our lives. While that is an important and very big notion, it isn't an entirely new one. Many people in many churches have aspired to praise God with their lives. But what's unique about this daily act, and the revelation I received in service, is that it brings it into the practical realm. Praising God with your life won't happen if you don't start praising God with your lips. They're vitally connected. I can attest to the fact that there has been a change in me since I've focused on daily praising God and declaring His goodness. (side-note: God doesn't have a twitter account so I consider the tweeting more declaring His goodness. The praising is something you have to do from your heart, not just your tweetdeck:)

So I leave you with this, if you have any desire to be a worshipper, if you aspire to lead worship, if you want worship to be a more significant part of your life, it has to start somewhere. Verbally praising God changes you as much as it blesses Him. Before you try to get up on a stage and lead people in worship, before you write an album, before you start your day, you've got to master the foundational act of glorifying God with (as I would say at Neo) YO MOUF (aka your mouth). When I started tweeting #30DaysOfPraise a friend said, "I don't get it, isn't every day supposed to be a day of praise?" The answer is a resounding YES! This is a step toward making that happen. I hate to admit that as much as I have tried, not every day of my life has been one of praise. But using my mouth to glorify God each day moves me closer toward that mark.

Isn't it a pretty amazing notion that your lips, your mouth, your words, can be used to glorify God? I mean seriously, think about it! The same lips that so many people use to make that awful I-think-I'm-cute-but-I-look-like-a-puckering-fish face on facebook actually have the capacity to bless God!

 gloss, glossed, gloss·ing, gloss·es

v.tr.

1. To give a bright shine or luster to.

 You can use your lips to give a bright shine to God! The lip gloss I am asking you to try is the act of adding shine to God's fame using your lips to declare His praise! Despite what Lil Mama might say, that's the only lip gloss that is cool AND poppin'. (Hopefully by now you realize why I titled this as such. I'll leave all things make up to my lovely wife. I'll just stick with my very dude-ified chapped, dry, ashy lips, because again I can't function in the cold. I just wanted to present this idea in a way that made you think and I risked looking foolish to do so.)

Instead of talking about how tough things are, how upset you are, or how much more you need in life, why not use that mouth to add to His infinite brilliance? Perhaps your worship might make His light that much more visible to someone lost in darkness. I know when I witness a person who has every reason NOT to worship actually doing it, my faith is stirred. Maybe your worship isn't just going to bring your breakthrough, maybe it's bigger than that. Perhaps your praise is the very force that will cause others to turn to the God you're praising. If you make Him out to be THAT good, how could they resist?

If you want more info on #30DaysOfPraise check out the trend on twitter and follow me @justincmcneil to see my daily effort! You can also check out this video and be a part of it, it is NOT too late!

GETCHO PRAIZE AWN! (aka get your praise on)

Run Tell Dat

Write down the vision; write it clearly on clay tablets so whoever reads it can run to tell others. It is not yet time for the message to come true, but that time is coming soon; the message will come true. It may seem like a long time, but be patient and wait for it,  because it will surely come;  it will not be delayed. Habbakuk 2:2,3

Vision. If you've been around ministry for any amount of time you surely have heard people talking about vision. He has his vision, they have theirs, she is following her vision, etc. Pastor Jeff once explained vision to me simply by saying that it's seeing what is really there. A lot of people confuse vision with dreams. Simply because you long to run a multi-million dollar business does not mean that is a God-given vision for your life. Vision is more profound than a wishful dream, it's a glimpse into God's plan that will unfold. Allow me to give you an example.

I remember the day earlier this year that Pastor Jeff called me. I instantly knew it was going to be one of those phone calls that changes things because I could hear the beeping of his car through the phone and big things always happen when he's just finished driving. He told me through great excitement something that God had just laid on his heart. "Dude, God just told me we're going to see 2,000 baptisms this year at Blink."

I didn't even really have words to respond with so all I could conjure up was "Wow."

He continued talking but I wasn't totally listening because my mind was racing. This is going to happen, this is really going to happen. The sureness that I felt rising up in me was astounding. I wasn't just confident that it would happen because he said it, even though his word is enough for me, I was confident because I saw it too. God-given vision is for the whole Body of Christ, though it may start with one person, it doesn't end with that person. Vision doesn't cause a move of God to happen afterward, a move of God causes vision to happen beforehand. God always sends vision before he moves because He invites us to participate in the establishment of His will and Kingdom. Vision is what connects us to God's plan and allow us to be a part of it. Whether I chose to see it or not had no impact on the fact that it was indeed happening. The true issue was whether or not I would run with the vision. I heard it put this way a few months ago:

Revelation doesn't come to make you smarter, it comes so that you will become the person who is equipped to carry out what was revealed in the first place.

The vision God revealed to Pastor quickly became the vision I wrapped my heart around as well. It's dangerous to always think that a vision belongs to this person or that person. In the months that followed, I witnessed the entire Blink cast and crew adopt 2,000 baptisms as our vision. I watched volunteers pour hundreds of hours into this effort without even a moment of hesitation because they saw it too. Families gave it all for the sake of our vision- 2,000 people being baptized as a commitment to follow Christ (if this were twitter i'd insert #worthit right here.)

Now as we approach the final weekend of our show, I am more convinced then ever that the power of a God-given vision is unstoppable. Habbakuk says that a vision made plain allows people to run and share it, and through Blink: The Door 2 I have seen hundreds of people running. I've watched 400 people stand in the pouring rain because they refused to allow a storm to stop them from baptizing people. I've watched grown men and women weep at the sight of people being baptized because it's what they've been praying about for months. I was with a young man who sustained a serious head injury during one of the shows and upon hobbling out of the emergency room, amidst temporary memory loss and severe pain, his FIRST question was "Pastor Justin, how many people were baptized tonight?" You can't see what I've seen and not believe in the power of God-given vision.

In the last two weeks, I've seen broken families made whole, gang members turn from their lifestyles, porn stars give it all up to follow God, satanists repenting and proclaiming Jesus as Lord, and so much more. This is the vision, and it is happening.

So now what?

What are you going to do about it?

People have flown cross-country to be a part of this, what are you willing to do?

We have one more weekend, 4 more performances, and that's it. If you consider City of Life Church your home at all, allow me to speak frankly to you. The least you can do is come see the production and bring your family and friends. This is the vision of our church, it would be a travesty for you to miss it for any reason. If you aren't connected to COL, there's still an incredible opportunity here because it is so much bigger than just our church. Something unprecedented is happening here. Please. Don't miss it. I have tried to make the vision plain here so that you can be energized to do something about it. I've told you what the vision is, now go to your friends, neighbors, co-workers, even your enemies and run tell dat.

Purchase your tickets and their tickets at blinkthedoor.com

Jesus IS Coming THIS WEEKEND!

 

This billboard has caused so much ruckus for the past few months. I'll admit the first time I saw it I practically swerved off the turnpike trying to figure out if it was some kind of joke. Unfortunately, it isn't. I don't want to spend too much time focusing on the actual idea that Jesus is returning this Saturday night. As my Pastor says, we'll talk about that this Sunday at church.

However, I do want to discuss the buzz that this whole thing has created. I find it absolutely fascinating that one dude with a billboard can get people so frenzied about the end of the world. He isn't the first. We've all heard different doomsday predictions and have lived through them enough to realize they were empty. Hey, I was born in '88 the year Jesus was supposed to return!

 Why is it that people suddenly freak out when they have a date for the end? I think it's the same reason that students don't touch their school work until the night before it is due. Deadlines have a way of forcing us to do what we've been putting off. The thought that Jesus is coming back on Saturday is striking fear into people's hearts the way that a pop quiz terrifies the unprepared student. The buzz and frenzy over all of this is rising from the fact that people are having the scary realization that they are not ready to meet their Maker

But if we make it past Saturday, the buzz will die down and people will realize there was nothing to worry about. They will settle right back in to the way of life they lived before they thought the end was nigh. Unfortunately, that is something to worry about. It is sad that people reconsider their own lives due to a hokey billboard more than Holy Bible. The certaintiy of Jesus return someday should motivate us to holiness more than the possibility of His return on Saturday. No one knows when He will return, but we all know in our hearts what changes we need to make before that day comes. So why do we wait? Why do we put it off? Are we really willing to run the risk just to get one more day enjoying our own sinfulness?

I don't think, friends, that I need to deal with the question of when all this is going to happen. You know as well as I that the day of the Master's coming can't be posted on our calendars. He won't call ahead and make an appointment any more than a burglar would. About the time everybody's walking around complacently, congratulating each other—"We've sure got it made! Now we can take it easy!"—suddenly everything will fall apart. It's going to come as suddenly and inescapably as birth pangs to a pregnant woman. But friends, you're not in the dark, so how could you be taken off guard by any of this? You're sons of Light, daughters of Day. We live under wide open skies and know where we stand. So let's not sleepwalk through life like those others. Let's keep our eyes open and be smart. People sleep at night and get drunk at night. But not us! Since we're creatures of Day, let's act like it. Walk out into the daylight sober, dressed up in faith, love, and the hope of salvation.  (1 Thessalonians 5:1-8 TM)

Paul says it plainly, we don't know when it's coming, but we should live like it is coming right now. Don't wait until the last moment to try and get your life in order. Even if some prophet has the ability to tell us it'd all be over this Saturday, would you really be able to get everything in your life and heart pleasing unto God? And even if you could, how would you answer for the fact that you waited so long to do it? Just because Jesus hasn't come back doesn't mean He's blind to the fact that you're stalling.

So is Jesus coming back on Saturday? I don't know. I don't think so. But I don't have any more reason to say no than I do to say yes. But whether He is or isn't returning this weekend doesn't relieve us from the responsibility to get our lives in line with His will now! It would probably be more beneficial, biblical, and pleasing to Him for us to live like He's coming EVERY weekend, not just this one. Live each day in His light and when He comes, you'll be as ready as the teacher's pet on pop quiz day. 

Have a great weekend:)

 

ICU

Allow me to quickly update you as to what my life has looked like lately. My grandfather, "Papa", recently experienced a severe downturn in his health. Last week my cousin Cindy texted me that I needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible because it appeared his life would be ending any moment. But then the minutes became hours and the hours became days. We were at the hospital around the clock anticipating the moment we were all dreading. And since only 2 of us could be in the ICU room at a time, the other 10-12 of us were basically living in a small waiting room for what became 5 days.

My family is absolutely amazing, we cried a lot, prayed a lot, and laughed a lot. The different things that happened to us over those five days were so dramatic that one night, I comically mentioned that we could make a musical about it. For some reason, most likely because we were all bored out of our minds, everyone jumped at the idea. So we invented a story about a spanish family just like ours in the same situation. I created a twitter hashtag and began creating the plot points along with pictures for them. We laughed A LOT creating all this. Plus, I learned a really beautiful lesson that I'll share in a moment. But for your enjoyment, here's what we came up with:

ICU: The Musical -Synopsis: a tale of love laughter & tears as we follow a family that's been in ICU for 5 days. Here's the poster!

The cast is:

Diego- A lively young man who loves laughter and life. Played by yours truly:)

Bella- Diego's cousin, a woman with extreme loyalty to her family. Played by Cindy

Susanna- Bella's twin sister, has the heart to be a caretaker in the family. Played by Sandy

Chico- Brother to the twins, the artistic one with a big heart behind cool glasses. Played by Cito

Gloria- Diego's mother, the joy of the family. Played by my Mom.

So the musical opens with a lively salsa/merengue number called "Ven Pa'ca" which means "Come here" in Spanish. The characters are all making there weekend plans telling there friends to come over etc.

But suddenly, the driving beat of Ven Pa'ca halts when Bella receives a call from Gloria. Bella passes the news to Chico. Plans don't matter, the family must all come to the ICU

When Diego hears the news he drops everything. He's spent so much time building his own life but upon hearing this, his independence doesn't matter to him anymore. He's running to meet his family and sings the song "Run Home To Momma"

The family, finally all together, realizes that all they can do now is wait. This dark waiting room will be their new home for days. They sing the droning song called "How Heavy is the Wait"

That's about as far as we got before we fell asleep for that night. But as I toyed around with this silly idea, God actually spoke a really deep word to my heart. 

You see, all along I was dealing with the struggle of watching my grandfather and the rest of my family suffer. There were moments I asked God why we had to suffer for days like this when He could easily and peacefully take my grandfather. I was feeling a lot of emotions that I couldn't process. But for some reason, having a character like Diego, helped me to work through it by taking a step back. I am a performer through and through and sometimes it's easier to think and feel through the lens of a character. Some of you won't get that, but others really will.

I dreamt up a scene for my character in which he expressed the emotions I couldn't. He (I) was angry at God and didn't understand why there had to be suffering like this. But then, while in his anger he realizes he's been looking at the pain and missed the beauty that God had brought his (my) entire family together to strengthen one another. The gift of an entire family that serves God is an amazing thing and he had been too focused on the pain to see God in the situation. He realizes how blessed they all are and changes his song from anger to praise singing "Now I See You" If we focus on the ugly things in life, we can miss the beauty of God. That's exactly what I was doing.

Afterward I thought about the verse that says that they that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength (Isaiah 40:31). Being cooped up in a room labeled WAITING became very frustrating, but waiting has a way of tying your hands and teaching you a thing or two. Having our hands tied in a season of waiting shows how reliant we are on God. We can't do anything without Him. We need Him completely but we forget that when there are things we can do because we think our actions are somehow helping God. It's only in waiting that we realize He's the one who does it all. He is our strength and when we wait we're giving Him room to move in us.

And then finally, dreaming about the finale to our show I pondered this family who has been locked up in waiting and realized that God has been aware of them the entire time and known just how to care for them. While my character spends the entire show learning how to see God through pain, God has seen him all along. I was reminded of one of my favorite names of God: El Roi, which means "The God Who Sees Me."

God revealed that as one of his names to Hagar in Genesis 16. This woman had been chewed up and spit out by life and it seemed that God had used her and thrown her away. Abraham and Sarah wanted a child so they used Hagar as a surrogate but then Sara got jealous so she abused Hagar and cast her out into the desert. So now, after being forced to lay with her boss, she has been cast out into the desert while pregnant. That's a pretty low point. But then God speaks to her and says that He sees her.

You may think there were better things God could have said, but if you've ever been in the kind of suffering in which it feels like everyone has forgotten you, there's no more comforting word than to know that God sees you. If you're in a season of waiting and it feels like you've been abandoned, God sees you. God really spoke that to me when it seemed like He'd forgotten us totally, He simply said "I see you waiting." And that was all it took. My heart was comforted, I knew that as long as His eyes were on me, I'd be okay. It's the same for you. His eye is on you. He is aware of what your situation is. Take a breath and realize that sometimes the waiting room is where the lessons are learned. I know it was that way for me. The ICU Waiting room has become the I See You Waiting Room and it can be that way for you too.

For those asking, my granpda is still in ICU but he's made big improvements. Thanks for all your prayers and support. He is eating, talking, and most of all, praising God. He is still in critical condition but we count each day as a miracle and we enjoy the time God has given us. If you are going through something, I want you to know my family prays together every night and it would be an honor to pray for you and your situation so just leave a comment and we will back you up! I leave you with two great things my mother has said to me during this time.

When life is a rollercoaster, family is here to throw our hands up and ride it together.

When life is a fog, Jesus is the Lighthouse. -Carmen McNeil

Harvest

A lot of times it is easy to feel like you can give and give and give and never see the results of your efforts. There are those people in life that you have prayed for over and over for years and yet have never seen any change in them. You have given of your time, energy, and even money to invest in someone, believing their life will be changed and they'll become devoted believers but it just doesn't seem to pan out.

Sound familiar?

I think anyone who is trying to reach others for God and certainly those in vocational ministry know that kind of discouragement. I've felt it plenty of times! It's so sad to believe for someone and stand beside them through so much only to watch them walk out the door and away from God indefinitely. It is also difficult to observe people that seem to be on the right track take dozens of steps backwards.  There can often be a painful tinge of resentment in those moments. What about everything I invested? What about all that effort? But before you sink too far into that pit, allow me to encourage you. 

I think the first problem that we face is in the very way that we think. We take this idea of loving and supporting someone and express it with the word investment. Investment is an expenditure with the expectation of return/profit. It is a dark day when we look at love as a currency made for us to circulate through our relationships like stock traders. We don't love someone so that we can get some kind of return. If you love someone based on what you can get out of it, you're only loving yourself indirectly. Interestingly enough, the Bible doesn't use strictly financial terms to explain the kind of life that gives, believes, prays, supports, and encourages. This life of doing good is not compared to a bank, but rather a field. No economics here, just good ole' agriculture.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." Galatians 6:9-10

There's a slight yet extremely important distinction between this idea of sowing and reaping versus our business model of investment and return. Return on investment is about new profit, but harvest is about new life. An investor can bask in the glory of a whopping check, but a good farmer cannot take all or even most of the credit for new crop. As farmers we understand that even though we tend to and watch over the growing harvest we  cannot claim it as ours alone. God is the one who brings harvest and we are merely used by Him to bring it forth.

Enough analogy, let's have some real talk. You've got people in your life that you are praying for, believing for, and giving your all to support. When they stray or seem to get worse, it is so tempting to pull away like a scared day trader selling her plummeting stock investment. But a farmer doesn't dig up seeds just because they aren't growing. He just continues planting and waiting. It's the waiting that so many of us fail at. That's why Galatians says not to grow weary as we do good, because it often takes time to see any kind of result. Margaret Feinberg puts it this way: Harvest cannot happen apart from waiting.

You have a promise. If you do not give up, you will see harvest at the right time. I am writing this to let you know that I have seen some pretty empty fields in my life, but I have also seen God bring amazing new life out of the most unassuming people. It's always breathtaking when He does. When that time comes you realize that it is so much bigger than just the product of your efforts. You see, our thing is sowing, His thing is harvest. So do your part and love without limits and let Him take care of the rest. When that moment comes, He will be glorified and you'll be proud to say that you where a small part of that process. I know I sure am.

Don't give up. It's gonna be worth it.

Crowns

The whole family surprised my grandparents with a party tonight. It was complete with a band and food! We showed up at their front door singing love songs and they both started crying. It's their 57th anniversary.
After we all composed ourselves I performed a vow renewal ceremony. I gave them the opportunity to express their love in front their entire family. My 80 year old grandma said to my very sick 76 year old grandpa words I'll never forget. "I've loved every moment of these years. It hasn't felt like 57 because it feels like the day we were married. You've always been you, even as we've aged and now you're sick, you've always been you and I love you. Now I'm excited because whether you go first or I do, I know in heaven we're getting the crowns we worked so hard for"

Now THAT'S romance and that's some true hope too! I'm so grateful for pillars of strength like them in our family. My wife and I have a stronger marriage because of them. May we have that very same crown-based hope so that we can endure like they have.

Flash Mob Mentality

There are some moments that just can't be replaced. Today was one of those days. I participated in a Flash Mob at the Millenia Mall. Wanna see?

I'm that way-too-overly-excited guy in the front next to the beautiful woman I get to call my wife. As you can CLEARLY see, I had a lot of fun. But this whole experience, along with everything else that happened to me today, has really left me in awe.

Hundreds of strangers came together to sing, dance, and bring smiles to other people's faces. We didn't have a chance to learn names, but we bonded. I could always count on an equal amount of enthusiasm from my Good-Friend-in-Green-Shirt, a smile from Girl-With-Long-Hair and a funny face from Guy-with-Gray-Pants. (FYI, I was Guy-with-Curly-Hair) This group of people probably disagrees on a lot of things and could easily create a riot over a number of issues. But for once, we chose to unite for one purpose, and for 4 minutes and 21 seconds we were a family bringing joy through jazz squares. The human spirit astounds me. We have the capacity for such viscious evil in us, and yet when we open ourselves up to it, we can also be vessels of such beautiful Love (a very specific Love that I'll talk about in a moment).

After the mob, I went out to dinner to welcome home my brother-in-law from his three month trip to Thailand. He told us stories about the brutality inflicted on Karen refugees and how he was able to bring hope to some of the darkest situations you could imagine. Again, we see the capacity in us for evil and the capacity for Love.

While at the restaurant, I got to meet some of the amazing people that my wife knows. People who have only met me once (or who have not even met me at all) were greeting me like family because of their connection with my lovely wife. Waves, hugs, handshakes, fist pounds, it was like they'd known me for so long. What's amazing is, I felt the same way. I was genuinely interested to hear about people living out their dreams in nursing school, working hard in pre-med, taking charge in business programs. I was sad to hear about illness and truly prayed for God to heal a girl like she was my sister! We could all treat each other like strangers but again, there's a deeper kind of Love that we can experience if we open our hearts.

Here's what I am getting at. Hundreds of people coming together to spread joy, brutalized refugees in Thailand comforted by the words of an American missionary, a group of strangers embracing me and I them, these are all glimpses of Love that is deeper than any song could express. I believe that the most real form Love is that which gives us the most accurate picture of God. I know not everyone I interacted with today may care about God, much less the Bible, but at least humor me and read one of my favorite passages.

1 John 4:7-12 My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can't know him if you don't love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God.

 My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us—perfect love!

That's my point. God IS love. We know Him through His love. None of us are perfect, the Bible makes that very clear. We don't earn His love. He doesn't love us because we deserve it. Everyone in that circle I danced in has issues, including this Guy-with-Curly-Hair. But God loves us in spite of our issues and made a way for us to know that love. It doesn't stop there though. The Bible tells us that if we know that love we MUST love others. In fact, it says that if we can't love others, we don't know the first thing about God. That's quite an interesting thought for those who have used the Bible to harass those that they loathe. I think so many people get sick of God because they've been burned by people who call themselves believers but who never actually operate in that kind of love. Think of what could happen if we actually opened ourselves up to His love and actually started showing it to one another.  What would change if we took the mentality in that flash mob and actually lived that kind of love for longer than 4 minutes and 21 seconds?

God is invisible, but today I saw glimpses of Him in jazz squares, tales from Thailand, and fist pounds.

To everyone reading: If you have been looking for love that actually lasts, may I humbly suggest that you open your heart to Him and then open your heart to others. Give it a try because it's a pretty awesome feeling.

And to Jp, Girl With Long Hair, Guy with Gray Pants, Josh, Tonya, Beth, Maryselle, Rahsaan, Kurt, Shelley, and Fatimah:

I love you:) 

Thanks for making this day so wonderful.

 

Face the Space

It has been a while since I have written anything. A few people have asked me why I haven't written in so long. I knew there was a reason behind my lack of expression. For me, writing is a major emotional and often spiritual event. It forces me to put into words the lessons my soul is trying to grasp. It causes me to release feelings that I could not articulate verbally without getting overwhelmed. Sitting in front of a blank blog page with my hands on the keyboard means one thing. I am about to grow.

That being said, there is always a great amount of honesty and soul searching that goes into my writing. That is exactly the reason why I haven't written in a while. Over the past few months my heart reached a place that I wasn't willing to confront. Somewhere between the most intense academic semester of my life, the most painful grief of my friend dying, the utter joy of being a newlywed, and the sheer demand of being a part of Blink: The Door my life became completely full. The problem with a full life is that it leaves no room for the intimate exchanged that comes only with abiding in Christ. Prior to this season I couldn't stop asking God for more, (my twitter followers can attest to seeing #moreLord all the time). But somewhere in those months I stopped asking for more. When we stop seeking more of God we start getting less of Him. The moment we lose our desire for Him, we gain desire for other things.

It is in this process that we slowly start to lose the connection with Him and are left with a void. That void will end us if we don't face it. That void is what drives us all to sin. The insatiable craving for satisfaction will cause us to seek it in a person, a substance, a lifestyle, or a behavior. But those who have tasted how good God is know all too well that nothing satisfies the soul the way He does.

That's where I am. For about two months I have been just coasting in life being content with the way things where and not desiring more of God. Why? There were a hundred reasons: I was tired, I was sad, I was stressed, I was mad, etc. But at the end of the day, those reasons are not excuses for the fact that I was avoiding the One whom my love and passion belongs too. When He finally pointed out to me the condition of my heart, it broke. Since then I have been on a journey backwards. Yes my life is meant to move forward, but sometimes when you take a wrong turn you have to back up a bit and get back to the last place you where on track. For me that place is fully expressed in the words more Lord. 

I can no longer ignore my state of slumber. I am waking up and I am pushing my life the way it was meant to go. Do I always feel it? No. Do I always want to? No. But I was bought with blood and frankly my life isn't mine to make decisions about. There's a void in me that will only be filled by intimacy with God. I am putting all my energy into knowing Him that way. There is nothing more important.

Why would I be so honest and write all of this? Two reasons. 1. It's my way of confronting the void and showing it who's boss. This is victory for me. 2. I doubt I'm the only one. I want you to be encouraged to face the space in your heart. Admit your emptiness and stop trying to medicate it.

Run to Jesus' passionate love.

I'll race you there.